How I Got Here

"As we contemplate the decisions we make in our lives each day -- whether to make this choice or that choice -- if we choose Christ, we will have made the correct choice."

President Thomas S. Monson

Preface: As a member of the church you talk a lot about your future as a youth; where to go to college, what you want in your eternal companion, how many kids you want, what you want to do with your life ect. Teenage Corinne always wanted to go to college and get married and have babies. But I always just assumed they would happen. I didn't look too far into the future but I knew I wanted all of those things.

Two and a half years ago I started the best journey of my entire life thus far. I moved my life to NY. I loved every second I was there. I had found somewhere I belonged! I met my best friends and enjoyed every adventure and bite of food I had. I was the happiest I had been. And then I decided to move on. I felt like I had learned everything I needed to out there and that it was time for a new adventure. 

After much thought and prayer and priesthood blessings I decided to move to Utah and start my life here. Honestly, I never thought I would end up in Utah and I had never looked past this point in my life. I was 23 and lost. And everyone else "seemed" to have it all figured out. 

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Everything up to this point in my life had just worked out for me. I had the support of great parents and siblings. College, NY, and everything had happened when they needed to for me. Everything worked out because I let the Lord in my life. I turned to Him with every decision I made. 

When I first got to Utah I put myself out there. I was active and social. I did everything I could to not run back to NY or Idaho because I couldn't handle actually being an adult. I had to make Utah my home and I was going to do everything in my power to do so. The first six month of my time in Utah were great. I had two jobs I loved (I know who would have ever thought I would love retail?? but really it's my love of Target.) I had made friends. I was figuring it out! I could do this!

And then all of a sudden everything wasn't okay. 

I won't get into all the details because it's personal to me but because of choices I had made and some choices of people around me I lost who I was. And I lost the confident, happy, thriving NY girl that was so ready for a new adventure. 

This brings me back to my preface: how did I get here? I never looked past a certain point in my life and now I was here and I wasn't figuring it out and in my head I was failing. Life was kicking my butt. Because of this I felt so alone - which is a big part of my own fault. I pushed everyone away that I cared about. And my world became dark.

I never thought I would be in this place. I was always so happy and social and loved to be out doing things. (I mean don't get me wrong I still love binge watching netflix, but that became the only thing I would do) I would go to work, sleep, avoid everyone and everything, and watch tv. I didn't eat. (and for those of you who know me: I love food, so this was not okay) I lost my appetite. I dropped so much weight. I literally was losing everything.

I let all these horrible thoughts enter my life (SATAN!) Why would Heavenly Father put me through this? This isn't who I wanted to be. But I felt so far away from my Savior that I just kept making that gap bigger and bigger. I was never going to get better and this was going to be my life now. I just accepted it. I became complacent. 

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I wish I could tell you that I had this grand moment of awakening. That the dark clouds parted and everything just got better one day. But it was a combination of a lot of little things. Just like the gospel always teaches. It's the simple things that make the big picture better. And it all started with me praying every night no matter how hard it was or how much I didn't want to because I felt so ashamed. 

And my testimony of angels on this Earth. Holy cow did I need certain people in my life this past year. Especially people I didn't think would become such a big impact in my life but I am so grateful they were prompted to push to be in my life. And let's just say Heavenly Father knew I needed Craig and Marci as my siblings on this Earth. I seriously could not imagine a life without them. They pushed me and listened to me and were such supports to me in some very dark moments.

After a lot of months of dark dark days I was over it. I was over being alone. I was ready to be that girl from NY again. I needed to be that girl from NY again or I didn't think I would survive. 

With the promptings of the spirit and the people around me listening to the spirit as well I was so ready to change. I was ready to grow and move forward. It doesn't change overnight, it's a process. But it all starts with wanting to change. With your outlook focused toward the Savior. 

Like I stated before NY everything in my life had worked out because I had the Savior with me always. This last year I had pushed Him away. I stopped making my testimony a priority and because of that I lost who I was. Because I am a daughter of Heavenly Father and I need to always remember that.

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I still don't know what I am going to do, I still don't know what my future holds for me but I do know this. I am happy. I am finally finding that confidence and happiness again. There will be hard days. There will be days I don't want to try anymore. There will be days that watching twelve hours of Netflix will win over going out and hiking a mountain. But those days will not be often. Because a wise young women's leader once taught me, look at everything as it is an adventure. And I am doing that. Life is full of so many wonderful things and I am ready to move forward and take on those bad days with an army of wonderful people on my side. 

"To live will be an awfully big adventure." 

Peter Pan 

The Next Adventure

My summer in Idaho has come to an end. It was so great to get to take a break from real life and just spend time with my family for two months. Seriously I can't get over how happy I am that I was able to make that happen! I loved spending my days with the kids doing fun adventures or just hanging out. 

I moved down to Salt Lake 4 days ago. I don't know when it will start to feel like home because right now I just feel like I am visiting - because that's what I always do when I come to Utah is just visit. Maybe after a few weeks it will feel different. Once I get my life established here I hope. Right now I just have a part time nanny job for a family with the most adorable twin girls. It's not a lot of money but it's something to start out with so I am not as poor. still poor though! I have started the job hunt for a second job and I really don't care what it is. Minus food. I hope something works out. 

It's nice having friends down here already so that I don't feel like a total loser hanging out with only my brothers dogs (not even my own brother since he works all the time!) but I am also excited to meet new people through my ward and through other people as well. This is kind of a random post but I am excited to be in Utah and to start this new adventure. There is so much to do and see here and I am going to do it all! 

until the next adventure... 

Summer at home

I think I made the best decision on coming home for a little bit before I head down to Utah to start my next adventure. It's been a nice little break from real life and I get to hang out with my family as much as I want. I am not scheduling who I am going to hang out with what days or who I have to see when I come home for trips like I did before. I get to just relax and it is soooo great!

^^These are from the 4th of July. Sparklers are my favorite and i am annoying and make Des take millions of pictures of me to get the photo I want.

^^I babysat for a weekend and this was in their back yard. Best job ever^^

Getting to hang out with the kids is my favorite. It was so hard being away missing them grow up. and I know it will be hard leaving them again but this time I am MUCH closer and can come home on weekends if school and jobs permit! It's so fun to see these kids. I seriously love them sooo much! 

One day Brie, Conner, & I were super bored so we went to the Zoo! We were able to feed the giraffes too. It was way fun. And it wasn't that crowded so we saw each exhibit by ourselves! 

Being home is my favorite. And I am so glad I have had this time to be with my family and to annoy them and to make them go on adventures with me. I seriously lucked out on some of the best family members ever!!

Until the next adventure...

Road Trip 2014

(Warning: LOTS OF PICTURES!)

Crater Lake - Oregon

Crater Lake is amazing! It's a lake in the top of an old volcano. And these pictures don't even do it justice. It was beyond beautiful and one of my favorites on our trip. I loved seeing all the trees!

California - Tidepools

California - Redwoods

Oregon Coast

( ^^ this is actually from Cali but it went better with this section !!)

This was such a fun trip! We did so many things and saw so many beautiful places! It was a lot of driving but it wasn't too bad. It was nice to be with my family after being away for so long. Even if towards the end I was ready to be alone again. I am just in awe of how beautiful this world really is. Those Redwood trees are UNREAL. I highly recommend going there. It is pure magic. 

My last week in NY

My last week in New York was stressful and non-stop. I had to pack up my whole life to move back West - it was so much harder the second time. Moral of the story: I have too much crap! haha. I also trained the new nanny which actually made me feel a lot better about leaving because then I knew the family would be in good hands. It was just non-stop for a few days and by the time Friday came around I was ready to be done! Thank goodness I had Friday off.

Friday afternoon I went into the city to hang out with my cousin one last time. We went to a pizza place on the Lower East Side. It was delicious, like all New York pizza. Then we went to Times Square to get tickets to see Newsies. Once we had our tickets she had to go for a few hours so I just took in the last little bit of my time in New York. I just people watched on the iconic Red Steps of Times Square and enjoyed it all. 

Around 7:30 we all met up again to see the show! Sarah came down too. AND OH MY GOSH am I so glad I chose to see Newsies as my last show! We had 3rd row, center seats. If you ever go to New York (well, in the next two months cause it is closing in August.) I highly recommend seeing Newsies. I have never enjoyed a show more. Those boys sure know how to dance. And sing! So powerful. We stayed after the show to meet some of the cast as they came out - yes we were adults standing with a bunch of 14 year old girls. And we are proud of it. 

On Saturday there was a huge YSA activity at the Rockaway's in Queens. So we headed there for the day. It was fun to just relax and see the ocean one last time before leaving. I sure will miss being so close!

It was a bittersweet day on Sunday saying goodbye to everyone at church and the nanny family. I can't even put into words how grateful I am for this opportunity I had. New York will always be such an important part of my life and I will miss it so very much.

Until the next adventure...

Gatsby? What Gatsby?

Since I am leaving in a week and so is one of my friends out here, Nate, we decided to throw a going away party for ourselves. Really we just wanted a reason to throw a party! We decided to do it after the book/movie The Great Gatsby. So the 1920's. And it turned out so GREAT! Everyone dressed up, we used a member of our bishoprics house that was perfect for it. And we took a million pictures!

I seriously can't ask for a better group of people. This ward has been the best thing out here and I am going to miss it so much. And no ward will ever top it. I am so glad everyone came and made it so fun!

Oh New York, I Love You!

I don't even know where to begin...

If you would have asked me in high school what I wanted to do with my life - I wouldn't have been able to give you a straight answer. Even after my first year at Dixie. I hated that it seemed like everyone around me had their life figured out. What they were going to major in, where they were going, or were planning on serving a mission. Moving home after that first year at Dixie was one of the hardest times in my life and the few years to follow weren't the best. I mean, I was happy, yes! I had a great job with people that became some of my closest friends still. I didn't have to pay rent, or worry about bills, I just had to focus on me. But still everyone around me seemed to be moving forward. And I felt stuck. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do. 

When I first heard about moving to New York I was like woah that would be way fun -  but it seemed too good to be true.But I went for it, and I am so glad that I did. I can't thank Heavenly Father enough that he gave me the best opportunity of my life. I no longer felt stuck. I had a purpose. I wasn't sitting at a 9-6 job at the age of 20. I WAS MOVING TO NEW YORK! 

I don't even know if I can put into words my experience over the last 18 months. But I can tell you this, it has changed me for the better. I have learned so much about myself. I feel like the same Corinne for sure but I feel like after tackling this big scary world by myself I can do anything! I have seen so many amazing things out here and met some of the best people. My faith in humanity has been strengthened so much. I wish I could list all the amazing people I have met and the experiences I have witnessed. This world we live in is not bad. There are good people everywhere and I found a lot of them in New York. 

New York will always hold such a special place in my heart. It made me grow up, take risks, experience things I never thought I would. I have tried weird foods, and eaten at the best bakeries EVER. I have seen so many amazing Broadway shows. Seen some of the most beautiful views - may it be the New York Skyline or the Forests of Connecticut or the Ocean or just the ways the trees change in the fall. I have taken adventures I never thought I would take. I was able to go to Palmyra and witness the Hill Cumorah Pageant. I was able to see family upstate. I was able to go see Boston and DC and parts of this country I never even dreamed of going to - let alone live in! 

I can't even begin to explain the friendships I have made out here. When you are out here on your own your friends become your family. And they are the best friends I have ever made. And I am so glad I got to share all these adventures with all of them! I am so happy that I got to be a part of one of the best Single's Wards I have ever been a part of. That ward really was my family and I couldn't have made it through the tough times without them. The times I was homesick I turned to them because they knew exactly what I was going through. Some of these friendships I will cherish for a life time. These people will be with me wherever I go. I am lucky enough that some of them will be with me in real life too as we take our next steps. 

I still don't know what I am doing with my life, I still don't know what I will major in, or really what my life has in store for me. But I can tell you this, New York has given me a whole new perspective on life and I am ready to tackle the next chapter. I know it will be hard. I will miss New York. I will miss being so close to so many opportunities. But New York has also taught me to look for things. I feel like there are hidden gems all over this country and now I am going to go find them. When you grow up somewhere you don't look for the adventures that are around you and now I am going to go find those adventures! 

I have to pinch myself sometimes to remember to thank Heavenly Father for this adventure. I am SOOO grateful for the chance I had to come out to New York. I will be grateful everyday for the rest of my life. I have made some of the best memories here. I am so ready to tackle this world (one step at a time!)

 New York, I will always love you.